How I Manifested £100 (& a lil’ more Self-Love) in 5 Days

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Hi everyone,

If you follow me on social media you’ll know that on Saturday 15th October I started asking for tips on how to utilise the Law of Attraction to manifest money FAST.

You see, I wanted to go to VegFest in London on Saturday 22nd October. I already had 2 tickets; but I had no money for the train fare or to actually buy anything with.

Now I know there are many more critical or useful uses for £100. But I’ve had a difficult time recently and, apart from sitting at home feeling sad, this was all I had to focus on and look forward to.

So I took myself on a crash course of Law of Attraction. Here are the steps I took:

  • I started reading Denise Duffield Thomas’ book, ‘Get Rich Lucky Bitch’. I only got midway through but as I went along I applied everything she advises: I made lists of people, situations and my own actions which I needed to forgive – whether they were related to money or not I wrote them all down and then I repeated the forgiveness mantra “I forgive you. I’m sorry. And I love you” for each and every one.
  • I watched VegFest videos from last year’s event and really visualised myself attending; the excitement walking through the entrance, exploring all the stalls, giving my money to friendly stallholders and feeling great about it, tasting beautiful food, vlogging the day and making a brilliant video for my YouTube channel.
  • I found some affirmation videos on YouTube and played them either whilst meditating or whilst doing other things. This ‘500 Affirmations’ was my absolute favourite. If I was meditating, I’d hold a £5 note which I’d sniff (Denise’s recommendation!) and feel between my fingers, to get used to enjoy having money.
  • I looked to Instagram for positive money affirmations and saved a bunch on my phone to look at regularly and memorise. I particularly loved @MyMoneyMogul for this.
  • I tried to be super mindful of what I was saying and thinking. I didn’t discuss what I was doing with anybody, so that neither they (or I) would cast doubt on my process.
  • At the same time as all this I tried to remain mindful of any intuitive pulls I was receiving, as these might be the practical steps needed to help the money flow to me.

Taking all these steps I managed to become really confident that I was meant to go, and that it was OK for me to have this money for this (some might say trivial) purpose, and it seemed such a certainty that I would go.

In the end, a number of items I was trying to sell DID sell, and I had the money I needed within 5 days. And just as I imagined, this happened!

I also found that this process, and Denise’s book especially, is not just about money. It’s about forgiving yourself, and others, and yourself some more. It’s about believing in your own self worth, believing that you deserve. Increasing your self love.

For those reasons alone I say if you are sceptical of the Law of Attraction it is STILL worth exploring it and doing the work. I felt so good about me, so worthy, so filled up with love for myself, that was an even greater feeling than accumulating the money.

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#FindingMySpark

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Today I am starting a new project, and I would LOVE for you to join me!

I have been feeling constantly exhausted and apathetic over the last few months. I’ve been eating a lazier diet, drinking more red wine, gaining weight, feeling physically ill literally every day and living in a constant state of anxiety, lethargy and insomnia. Clearly something isn’t right. But the worst part is, I don’t know how to fix it.

I already take anti-depressants to aid depression and anxiety, and am in recovery from my dermatillomania. So having days where I don’t feel great, or inspired, or I don’t feel anything at all, is to be expected.

In addition, I have a life purpose problem. I desire – and, if I may venture to sound a bit confident in myself just for a minute – I feel intuitively that I am here to contribute to the world in some meaningful way.

Trouble is, I don’t know how. People say “do what lights you up” but I haven’t found that spark. And trust me, I’ve been really looking for it, for a really long time, in many different places.

And then this idea came to me today:

Every day I will post on Twitter (and if it’s a picture I’ll post it on Insta too) a thing that has made me feel a bit of a spark during that day.

My ‘why’ for this is threefold:

First – over time, providing I am consistent with posting at least once a day – which in itself will feel like a massive effort – I will build up a picture of the recurrent themes, topics, role models, etc which have given me a little bit of that “what lights you up” feeling. I am hoping that this information will in itself trigger a bigger lightbulb moment in terms of my own personal purpose and what makes me feel passionate.

Second – it will be like a happiness/inspiration diary that I can look back on and give me nice feelz 😊

Three – I believe that honesty and transparency about mental health and these bigger life questions helps to unite people globally.

I am going to be honest if I don’t feel anything at all, or I feel crap, or I don’t feel a spark. Why force it? I want to cover the whole gamut of emotion within inspiration and purpose.

So how does this involve you? 

Because I would love you to get involved too!

Share with me, and with others, what made you feel something today.

Lets help everyone who knows they have a greater purpose than the life they are living right now, but can’t figure it out.

Lets help the people who are feeling lost or apathetic or purposeless.

Lets help those whom don’t feel anything at all today.

Because my philosophy is anything’s worth a try, right?

Use the hashtag #findingmyspark – and either hashtag me with #freedombirdie and/or tag me on @freedombirdie on Twitter and @freedom_birdie on Insta so I can follow your journeys. And let’s start sharing!

I can’t wait to get started! xxx

 

To Those Wishing They Weren’t In The World

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I wrote this based on how I felt today when I woke up.

I dedicate it to those who feel the same.
The depressed, anxious, stressed, alone, frightened, grieving and broken-hearted.
We are all One. I am with you. I understand.

May You Rise.

xxx

Waking up Wishing I Weren’t in the World

When I woke up this morning, I wished I wasn’t here.
It’s not that I want death – it’s nothing that severe.
I’m not suicidal. I just want time to cease
So I can un-exist a while, and find a little peace.
All of my life’s burdens weigh heavy on my heart,
Though I do try to be grateful for every little part.
I don’t feel I can tell this to anyone I know
but I do not feel well, I feel trapped and I feel low.
My problems swirl around in my overactive mind.
I cannot find the answers but I cannot be resigned.
And so I fight. And so I tire. And so I crave respite.
The cycle just repeats, round and round, day and night.
But though it feels the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
I decide to lift the covers and let the sunlight through.
And though my eyes are teary and inside I am distraught
I resolve that I will sit up despite my heavy thoughts.
And though I cannot bear to think about the day,
I stand. And just a tiny bit of turmoil goes away.
And though I feel a failure, and I’m lost, and I’m afraid
That every morning I will feel this very same way,
I know that things get better. Life goes up and down.
And there would be hearts broken, if I were not around.
So though my heart is hurting and I long for silent rest,
I decide that I will rise, and I will do my best.

xxx

Bethany

 

Reframing Mondays

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Scratch. Cling. Scream. Desperate. Sad.

These are all words I just typed into a search engine, looking for an appropriate image for this blog post that would accurately portray my feelings right now (p.s. that’d be the one above).

It’s Sunday evening. And I am clawing at the remnants of the day – no actually I am clinging onto it for dear life. My fingers are bloodied and torn. I am screaming these awful, gutteral, painful howls as panic rips through my insides. I am pleading hysterically “please, please, please don’t leave me!”.

I don’t want today to end, because I don’t want Monday to come.

It’s not like I have an awful Monday planned: I’m not going to a funeral, or into hospital. It’s just another day in a temp job. But for someone who’s been trying to transition OUT of that lifestyle and into a life and a career I love, for many years, it’s the same. old. shit.  and it can frequently feel maddeningly frustrating.

I know some will tell me to be grateful, to get real, to suck it up. All I can say is, I’m an INFJ (or an INFP depending on the day): I need engagement and fulfilment in my work. I am trying my hardest to make that a reality,but in the meantime the days spent doing monotonous and menial tasks feel like my life is going down the toilet.

I’ve realised that, actually, what makes an impending Monday worse is that on Sunday night I start to get REALLY mean with myself about how I’ve spent my weekend.

“You haven’t worked hard enough this weekend to change things. You took a break to have that nap / take that bath / watch that show. You sit here immobilised by your fears and your obstacles and your laziness and then you get upset that things aren’t changing. Your efforts are crap. Your energy levels are pitiful. You think you’re brave and ambitious and determined, you’re delusional love!!”.

So tonight I thought I’d try and reframe my thoughts. It worked and I’d like to share it with you.

*I have done the best that I could*
*I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now*
*A new day, and a new week, is a new opportunity*
*Monday HAS to come so I can take one step closer to my dreams*
*Monday will be GREAT because I will be one step closer to my dreams*

Just give this a try and see how you feel afterwards. I can’t say I feel amazingly joyous, but I feel less rooted-in-misery-and-fear than I did 10 minutes ago. I was lying on my bed face down half-heartedly clutching a crystal, feeling paralysed in sadness and hopelessness. And now I feel…accepting of what is. And even, dare I say it, almost ok with it? I mean, if it’s going to bring me a step closer to my dreams, then that’s ok isn’t it?

After all, there’s no point wishing Monday isn’t going to come. But we’ve survived this many of them, we can survive another one.

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What am I doing? Mid-January edition!

 

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Let’s dive straight in 😀

I AM… getting my Leonie Dawson on.

I got the Leonie Dawson 2016 Life Workbook and Weekly Planner for Christmas, and I am committing a bit of time every weekend to filling the Workbook out and making plans in the Planner.

I haven’t been strict enough with myself to make specific goals that actually push me forwards. I am feeling the call to do so, but I’m hiding in my cocoon. I need to be brave, strong, and more determined about my dreams!

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Here I am in the bath!

I AM… keeping a daily diary.

I’ve tried to do this before and it never lasts, but so far I only have 4 unfilled pages!

I am trying it out so I can get my feelings down on paper as all too often I hold them in. And also so that I can record any spiritual happenings or guidance, dreams and signs that happen.

I AM… seeing a lot of unicorns!

Speaking of signs… So, elementals. I’ve not been that interested in the past; they’re a bit too ‘woo woo’ for me.

But the past 1.5-2 weeks I’ve seen unicorns everywhere! Yes I know if you follow anything spiritual on social media you’re bound to see unicorns, but it all actually started with a unicorn appearing in my meditation one day and since then I’ve seen them literally all over the place.

Apparently, unicorns assist with self-belief and faith, hope, the imagination and healing. All of which I would say are themes for me ☺️

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I AM… reading ‘Soul Shifts’ by Barbara de Angelis.

And it is wonderful. Barbara creates the image that your Higher Self is a temple and I LOVE that. It resonates.

You are a Seer rather than a Seeker of your own wisdom. You merely need to understand that everything you’re searching for – which in my case is my life purpose and satisfying that horrible feeling that I’m here to DO something but I don’t remember what – is within you already. You just need to open yourself to it.

Since reading this I’ve had some vivid dreams and felt shifts to my thoughts and my energy, so I know it is penetrating at a deep soul level and I can’t wait to see what happens as I continue into the book.

I AM… rewatching Ab Fab.

Lately I seem to enjoy rewatching old classics over discovering new shows. So I found Ab Fab on Netflix Australia and have had a good binge.

Watching it now I’m older I can better appreciate the fantastic writing by Jennifer Saunders and the acting of all the cast but particularly Joanna Lumley as Patsy; I’ve since seen her out of character in numerous documentaries and she’s so poised and classy in real life, this just makes her performance more fascinating and her comedic skills more impressive!

I also sit here gobsmacked at how incredibly abusive Eddy is towards her daughter Saffy, I take it for what it is of course (i.e. not real!) but my HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) side feels too deeply for the Saffy character. Ah the trials of being so sensitive!

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That’s all for now! I’ll be back next week, it’s in the weekly planner 😄🙏

If you’re Floppy and you’re Guilty, CUT IT OUT!

This is me today.

This morning I meditated (and fell asleep) on the sofa. Then I ate lunch and fell asleep again.

Then I came upstairs to my studio fully intending to paint – and lay facedown on the floor for a while instead. As you do!

I don’t feel sad or depressed, I’m just drained. I’ve been feeling extra panicky this past week: even driving and going to moderately busy/noisy places have been exhausting and scary in a panicky way.

I have 2 weeks off work and I’m putting pressure on myself to use it productively, which just makes me want to lie facedown on the floor even more!

You just have to ride it out when you have days like these.

Unless it’s EVERY day; then you may need to consider speaking to your Doctor or a therapist in case there are any mental health issues at play. 

Forcing yourself to do stuff CAN work. It takes a whole lot of energy though, am I right?

And if you don’t have the energy or the mental willpower today, well, beating yourself up about that isn’t going to help, K? A tasty little guilt-trip will just give you even less incentive to do anything.

In fact, allowing any negative emotion or energy to arouse itself will definitely make you feel worse; not just right now, but tonight and probably tomorrow too, it might even permeate your entire week.

Have you considered that actually this might be what your mind, body and soul needs MORE than checking anything off your to-do list? What about you, your health, your wellbeing? You remember you, don’t you? 

And if you are a spiritual sort… Maybe you are receiving healing, or chakra cleansing, or an intuitive information download. Maybe you are being given downtime because you’ve been neglecting yourself lately, or because something big lies ahead in your future that you need to be well rested for.

SO…if you are feeling lazy today then snuggle a little deeper under that blanket, order the nearest human to bring you sustenance in the form of tea / ice cream and hunker down for some good old floppiness. ENJOY!

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Oh yeah, and Freedom, Birdie! is now on Facebook! Check it out! 
And please, give me a Like, I’ve got no friends at the moment LOL 🙂

3 Tips for Blasting through Resistance

It seems that 2015 is turning into the year I meet all of my ego’s resistance tactics head on.

I seem to be unmasking one thought pattern or insecurity after another. I am not complaining as it is part of my spiritual growth and I welcome any inner work that brings me closer to embracing my authenticity. But it just means I have been feeling very, well, sludgy this year.

Historically in the “Bethany vs Resistance” battle, Resistance has definitely won more often than not. If you generally lack self-esteem it’s very easy to confuse your resistance for weakness, laziness or my personal favourite, unworthiness. And then you are truly defeated.

Take the last few days, for example. I’ve wanted, and felt I’ve needed, to write a blog post to keep my writing skills sharp and keep myself focused on Freedom, Birdie!’s development. But even though I have ideas in my notebook, none of them inspired me to start writing anything. I googled ‘blog ideas’ and saw nothing that grabbed me. I was just in a writing funk.

My ego helpfully piped up: “you want to develop Freedom, Birdie into a bigger enterprise, but you’re too lazy to write a blog post!? This is further proof you’re delusional: you’ll never do it mwah ha ha!”.

But it wasn’t laziness that stopped me writing. And it wasn’t lack of ideas, lack of time or lack of resources. So what was it?

I don’t have the answer yet. Right now I still am in the writing funk. BUT for want of anything else to say I’ve decided to JUST START WRITING about my resistance to writing anything. And now here I am, typing, putting thoughts down and writing about what I am experiencing. Creating a blog post.

It feels good, I feel proud and it is a small boost to my confidence that I accomplished this small yet giant thing.

So if there is something that YOU are resisting, try this:

  1. Acknowledge your resistance, note all the feelings you’re feeling and ask yourself ‘why?’. Sit with it.
  2. This thing you’re resisting: is it something you can just bite the bullet and DO? If it is, try to visualise how you’ll feel as you’re doing it or when you’ve completed it. Very often, once we start we realise it’s not quite so laborious and awful as we thought. OR, if it’s a creative block like mine, try to think creatively about how you could get around it or USE it to your advantage.
  3. If this doesn’t yield anything and you still can’t bring yourself to face what you’re resisting, leave it and go do something else for a while: minutes, hours, days, however long it takes. DON’T dwell and don’t punish yourself. Come back to it when your energy shifts. It always does.