I wrote this based on how I felt today when I woke up.
I dedicate it to those who feel the same.
The depressed, anxious, stressed, alone, frightened, grieving and broken-hearted.
We are all One. I am with you. I understand.
May You Rise.
Waking up Wishing I Weren’t in the World
When I woke up this morning, I wished I wasn’t here.
It’s not that I want death – it’s nothing that severe.
I’m not suicidal. I just want time to cease
So I can un-exist a while, and find a little peace.
All of my life’s burdens weigh heavy on my heart,
Though I do try to be grateful for every little part.
I don’t feel I can tell this to anyone I know
but I do not feel well, I feel trapped and I feel low.
My problems swirl around in my overactive mind.
I cannot find the answers but I cannot be resigned.
And so I fight. And so I tire. And so I crave respite.
The cycle just repeats, round and round, day and night.
But though it feels the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
I decide to lift the covers and let the sunlight through.
And though my eyes are teary and inside I am distraught
I resolve that I will sit up despite my heavy thoughts.
And though I cannot bear to think about the day,
I stand. And just a tiny bit of turmoil goes away.
And though I feel a failure, and I’m lost, and I’m afraid
That every morning I will feel this very same way,
I know that things get better. Life goes up and down.
And there would be hearts broken, if I were not around.
So though my heart is hurting and I long for silent rest,
I decide that I will rise, and I will do my best.
I posted on my Twitter yesterday a link to a fabulous article detailing the morning rituals of 12 mega successful entrepreneurs. Included amongst their morning habits were meditation, visualisation and making a gratitude list.
What I loved about this is that every ritual was rooted in positivity and every entrepreneur understood the importance of their own self-nourishment.
They check in with themselves emotionally, physically and spiritually, and they fuel themselves for the day ahead, not only with breakfast but by setting goals and visualising their dreams coming true.
I, like most of the population, wake up and immediately check my phone which lies beside my bed. I check my text messages and then Sky News, followed by my emails, followed by Facebook and finally Bloglovin. Rather than checking in with myself I am checking in with everyone else and ignoring myself completely.
But even worse than that …
Because I am someone who frequently gets discouraged by comparing myself with others and seeing myself unfavourably, a lot of my creativity and motivation gets shut down almost immediately upon waking when I go straight onto my social media.
I’ll see a great blog post or video or other accomplishment, or someone on Facebook bragging about something, or whatever. My mind, which is only just waking up, begins to tick over and recount my activity over the last 24 hours or week and what I’m doing today (likely something I’d rather not be doing, like going to a sucky temp job) and find evidence in my character and my actions to support why I am not writing or filming or doing things as brilliant as THAT person is.
By the time I’ve got out of bed I already feel defeated and feel like one of life’s runner-up’s. One of the ones who don’t have what it takes to work hard to love my life, and does have to slog away in jobs they don’t like for 50 years.
Every morning I give my power away!
Today I resisted, I didn’t read anybody else’s social media output or check my emails until mid-morning. And it really did feel GOOD.
I couldn’t compare myself to anyone because I didn’t know what anyone else in the world was up to. So I only had my thoughts, my ideas and my dreams to focus on! Perfect!
So I strongly encourage you to rethink your morning routine and stay away from your social media even just for 15-20 minutes after waking. Just think how much more positively you could start your day if you took just a little time to think about YOU.
What is your morning ritual like? Is there anything you would recommend, or like to change?