A Morning Ritual to Combat Negative Monkey Mind

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It’s only fair to warn you upfront, this post is not actually about cute sleepy pugs ūüėč

I’ve recently realised¬†that I have an extremely¬†active, extremely negative monkey mind.¬†It¬†starts THE VERY SECOND I gain consciousness in the mornings before I barely even realise what’s happening!

The first thing I do upon waking, like most people, is recollect what I am doing that day and what are the most significant things I am doing that week.

And like most people, I am not doing a job I especially like, so what happens next is a rush of negative emotions and thoughts:

“Oh NO I have to go back there today ūüėĘ
This isn’t what I wanted to be doing with my life,
but I¬†can’t figure out an alternative career.
I am a failure.
I feel exhausted and ill.
I feel weak.
I feel so sad.
I’m unhealthy.
There’s something wrong with me.
I don’t want to be here”

Before I’ve even realised quite what’s going on, I feel – to put it bluntly – like¬†shit.

I then think “well I should meditate or recite a¬†positive affirmation to raise my vibration” but by this point I feel so anxious and depressed that I can’t muster up the energy; and more interestingly, I don’t WANT to feel better because now I feel annoyed with myself. I don’t DESERVE to feel good about myself.

So! The last few days I have made myself change things up.

I have forced myself to recite an affirmation. Even if I really don’t want to, even if I really don’t believe it, I commit to trying.

I breathe deeply, and I say:
“I am healthy.
I am happy.
I am prosperous”.

And guys, honestly, I DO feel a shift. I do feel lighter.

This works.

I have found the last few days easier to deal with, and I even came up with my new project #FindingMySpark which I launched that very same day!

I wanted to share this because if it helps me then it could really make a difference for you too!

  1. Notice your self-talk first thing upon waking.
  2. Choose an affirmation which resonates with you and your particular worries or negative self-beliefs.
  3. Repeat it silently to yourself, as many times as you like.
  4. Your ‘ego’ / monkey mind will tell you not to bother, you aren’t worthy or you don’t have the energy. Tell yourself this: “I will try it anyway, because you never know”.
  5. If nothing happens the first, second, third morning, please keep trying. Everyone’s journey moves at a different pace.

If you can readjust your energy even just a little bit, you are giving yourself a much better chance of getting through the day in a less mentally and emotionally damaging way.

And if you DO like my affirmation then I created this little pic for you to save and share ūüôŹ

Affirmation

Let me know how you get on! xxx

#FindingMySpark

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Today I am starting a new project, and I would LOVE for you to join me!

I have been feeling constantly¬†exhausted and¬†apathetic over the last few months. I’ve been eating a lazier diet, drinking more red wine, gaining weight, feeling physically ill literally every day and living in a constant state of anxiety, lethargy and insomnia. Clearly something isn’t right. But the worst part is, I don’t know how to fix it.

I already take anti-depressants to aid depression and anxiety, and am in recovery from my dermatillomania. So having days where I don’t feel great, or inspired, or I don’t feel¬†anything at all, is to be expected.

In addition, I have a life purpose problem. I desire Рand, if I may venture to sound a bit confident in myself just for a minute РI feel intuitively that I am here to contribute to the world in some meaningful way.

Trouble is,¬†I don’t know how. People say¬†“do what lights you up”¬†but I haven’t found that spark. And trust me, I’ve been really looking for it, for a really long time, in many different places.

And then this idea came to me today:

Every day I will post on Twitter (and if it’s a picture I’ll post it on Insta too) a thing that has made me feel a bit of a spark during that¬†day.

My ‘why’ for this is threefold:

First – over time, providing I am consistent with posting at least once a day – which in itself will feel like a massive effort – I will¬†build up a picture of the¬†recurrent themes, topics, role models, etc which have given me a little bit of that “what lights you up” feeling. I am hoping that this information will in itself trigger a bigger lightbulb moment in terms of my own personal purpose and what makes me feel passionate.

Second –¬†it will be like a¬†happiness/inspiration diary that I can look back on and give me nice feelz ūüėä

Three – I believe that honesty and transparency about mental health and these bigger life questions helps to unite people globally.

I am going to be honest if I don’t feel anything at all, or I feel crap, or I don’t feel¬†a spark. Why force it? I want to cover the whole gamut of emotion within inspiration and purpose.

So how does this involve you? 

Because I would love you to get involved too!

Share with me, and with others, what made you feel something today.

Lets help everyone who knows they have a greater purpose than the life they are living right now, but can’t figure it out.

Lets help the people who are feeling lost or apathetic or purposeless.

Lets help those whom don’t feel anything at all today.

Because my philosophy is anything’s worth a try, right?

Use the hashtag #findingmyspark – and either hashtag me with #freedombirdie and/or tag me on¬†@freedombirdie¬†on Twitter and @freedom_birdie on Insta so I can follow your journeys. And let’s start sharing!

I can’t wait to get started! xxx

 

To Those Wishing They Weren’t In The World

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I wrote this based on how I felt today when I woke up.

I dedicate it to those who feel the same.
The depressed, anxious, stressed, alone, frightened, grieving and broken-hearted.
We are all One. I am with you. I understand.

May You Rise.

xxx

Waking up Wishing I Weren’t in the World

When I woke up this morning, I wished I wasn’t here.
It’s not that I want death –¬†it’s nothing that severe.
I’m not suicidal. I just want time to cease
So I can un-exist a while, and find a little peace.
All of my life’s burdens weigh heavy on my heart,
Though I do try to be grateful for every little part.
I don’t feel I can¬†tell¬†this to anyone I know
but I do not feel well, I feel trapped and I feel low.
My problems swirl around in my overactive mind.
I cannot find the answers but I cannot be resigned.
And so I fight. And so I tire. And so I crave respite.
The cycle just repeats, round and round, day and night.
But though it feels the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
I decide to lift the covers and let the sunlight through.
And though my eyes are teary and inside I am distraught
I resolve that I will sit up despite my heavy thoughts.
And though I cannot bear to think about the day,
I stand. And just a tiny bit of turmoil goes away.
And though I feel a failure,¬†and I’m lost,¬†and I’m afraid
That every morning I will feel this very same way,
I know that things get better. Life goes up and down.
And there would be hearts broken, if I were not around.
So though my heart is hurting and I long for silent rest,
I decide that I will rise, and I will do my best.

xxx

Bethany

 

How a Rose Quartz Helped My Mental Health

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Photo by Adam Dachis

As you may know, I explored and adopted various spiritual practices and principles when I was first diagnosed with depression some 7-8 years ago.

But I never “got” crystals.

I’d collected¬†the bog standard ones that beginners often get, Rose Quartz for¬†love, Aventurine for the heart chakra, Blue Lace Agate for the throat chakra.¬†But I didn’t feel anything when I held them, and I ended up leaving¬†them in a drawer.

Then last year I randomly bought a beautiful piece of blue Celestite. The first time I meditated with it in my hand, I felt different. Clearer, calmer and more connected (and more inclined towards alliteration lol). This prompted me to¬†dig out the crystals I’d bought and look for more¬†that might¬†help me with the specific issues I was having.

Fast forward to 4 weeks ago. I am a total mess.

My dermatillomania is the worst it’s been in years (for those who haven’t heard of it, it’s also known as a Repetitive Body Focused Behaviour, or Compulsive Skin-Picking).¬†I am having CBT which has helped me understand the condition and given me more motivation and accountability to stop, but only I can resist the urge and kick the habit and I am really,¬†really struggling. In fact it’s getting so bad that I am¬†having panic attacks over it. In public.

So this one night,¬†4 weeks ago, I was feeling extremely down about it all. I was getting ready for bed and putting my gloves on so I wouldn’t pick in my sleep. And I randomly decided to pop my old Rose¬†Quartz inside the glove on my left hand. Silently, and probably rather half-heartedly because I didn’t have the energy at that point to fight, I asked it to help me feel better.

The next morning, I woke up, and I didn’t pick.

At midday I texted my therapist to say OMG I haven’t picked yet today. I was so proud. More than that,¬†I was astonished. I had not been able to resist picking for this many hours, for¬†almost a year.

I have not picked since that night.

I have not picked for four weeks.

Frankly, it feels like nothing short of a miracle. It was literally overnight. I went to bed a compulsive skin-picker, and woke up reformed. (There is a theory that we are more open to spiritual healing when we’re asleep). I retained the habit of feeling my skin for imperfections (although that has lessened massively over time) but I literally had no interest in picking anymore.

When I next saw my therapist I felt squirmy at how little involvement I had had in this miraculous recovery. She quickly told me that I had had a massive amount to do with it, which of course is true. I had had months of CBT prior to it. I had reached a point of desperation which led to determination to quit. I had tried and tried and tried again.

I can’t promise this will happen to everyone. And I can’t explain exactly what happened. But it’s worth a try. Try it for anything you are going through, any mental health concerns you may have.

And if it doesn’t work the first time, persevere. Because we are all at different stages of spiritual openness. There’s no rules to if, when or how it can work so don’t beat yourself up. It can be a process, or it can be instant.

I wish you love, light and hope.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Skin) Picking for Perfection

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Image by FrostyKat Creations

My dermatillomania has gotten really bad this year: I’ve documented already how¬†I’ve gone from picking only one area of my body to multiple parts, including parts that are extremely visible.

I’ve taken to wearing gloves around the house all the time, when I remember and when I’m disciplined enough that is. And I also wear them overnight.

I’ve started a picking diary which, again, I fill out when I remember and am disciplined enough. It has helped to see when I am habitually reaching for skin imperfections I can correct: the main culprits¬†are when I am getting dressed/undressed alone in my bedroom, and when I am in the kitchen alone preparing meals.

I have managed to stop picking at one or two spots which I am not giving myself any credit for but should! So I have proven to myself that it can be done and that actually it didn’t take THAT¬†long and wasn’t THAT¬†hard. Although I may have compensated by picking other areas instead.

I’ve found that baths and showers every day help keep my skin soft and healing quicker. I apply Dream Cream from Lush after I’ve bathed: I really cannot recommend this product enough, the oat milk in it is really cooling and healing and I’ve noticed a tangible improvement¬†in the speed in which¬†the wounds begin to heal over.

I think the most important thing is to NOT BEAT MYSELF UP if I have a weak moment. I always try to tell myself that tomorrow is a new day and a new opportunity to try again. I try not to call myself weak or weird or ugly. This isn’t helpful and it’s unkind.

I’ve actually found that feeling more positive in other areas of my life has made an impact in my determination to try and quit. I’ve also noticed that during the times I am doing better with my picking, other parts of my life seem to go better. It’s sort of like I am attracting fulfilment because I am treating myself with more love.

In fact when I meditated last week, when I was feeling worried about my finances, I received guidance that if I focus on my healing that it will help other aspects of my life including my finances. That’s doesn’t mean¬†if I have a bad day with my picking I’ll be punished somehow: it’s simply a reminder of the ripple effect your energy can cause throughout the universe, and how good energy can bring goodness back to you.

It’s not going to happen overnight and it will be hard. Breaking a habit is bloody hard especially when it relieves tension for you. But it’s worth doing. I don’t want to get infected. I don’t want to be ashamed of my body.

Do feel free to get in touch or leave a comment if you have anything you’d like to share with me or with my readers. Stay strong x

 

 

When Writing is your Life Purpose

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Wow, it’s been a while since my last post. I’m sorry about that.

If you follow me on social media you’ll have seen I’ve been really focused lately¬†on redesigning my Etsy store and on¬†creating¬†my Christmas products which, for the first time, I’ve decided to get professionally printed instead of making everything by hand and to order. I also did my first craft fair!

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I’m¬†proud of myself for¬†pulling it all off but now comes the even harder part of attracting buyers – hence why I’ve had to put more time into it.

I was also hired for two acting jobs which took up a lot of time line learning, rehearsing and performing. AND I’ve taken a Christmas temp job at Lush which I am loving!

It’s actually been a really good couple months. Busy, but rewarding. And fun. One of those rare times in life when everything seems to be going right. It only strengthens¬†my belief that doing work you love improves your quality of life overall.

But I have missed writing here, and filming my YouTube videos. I’ve felt¬†the intuitive nudge urging me to return for weeks,¬†but not felt the right moment to actually DO it.¬†But in the bath just now I pulled the above card from Doreen Virtue’s Life Purpose deck – ‘Writing’ – and I decided it was time.

Rather than cram every area of my life into this one blog post, I thought I’d write a¬†little update series¬†throughout the coming week so that I can discuss mental health, veganism and working at Lush, plus any other little titbits, in more detail without fulfilling my NaNoWriMo word count in one blog post! (Although that would be useful as I am only 1600 words in – fail!).

So thanks for standing by, and I look forward to reconnecting! xxx

 

*NEW VLOG* Dermatillomania & me

WARNING for the slightly squeamish: I am a bit graphic in my description of Dermatillomania.

I made this video to explain the disorder and my experience of it, as well as to give some tips to fellow pickers and also to give some exposure to this disorder.

Kiera Rose’s Dermatillomania video: https://youtu.be/23Qup1f1BEE

To find out more about Dermatillomania / skin picking disorder: http://www.skinpick.com/dermatillomania
http://www.trich.org/about/skin-picking.html
http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/dermatillomania/Pages/Introduction.aspx

Come hang out with me here:

Website: http://www.freedombirdie.com
Twitter + Periscope: @freedombirdie
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