You know that moment when you finally tip over from ‘coping’ to ‘that’s it I’ve had enough!’.
I can’t, at this stage, disclose why. I just wanted to write to get all the feels and thoughts out, although now I’ve started I feel pretty ‘bleurgh’. It’s not that I want any sympathy or any attention, I don’t. I want to turn this horrible energy into something useful, or positive. I want to use it somehow. But it’s too heavy just now.
I am dithering whether to retreat into my shell over the next few days and do some intensive self-nurturing or put on a brave face and carry on as usual. At the moment the first option is winning.
The POSITIVE side, however, is that now I’m having this ’emotional/mental wreckage sort of a day’ I can appreciate how well I was keeping it together before! I can put up with an awful lot before I hit the slump.
Tonight I am going to drink as much water as I can. I will go to bed early and read quietly. I will sit with the feelings but try not to linger unhealthily long with them. Then I will ask my angels to grant me a dream tonight about happy things, like cakes and love and more cakes 🙂
And I’ll remember that I’ll feel different soon, when the time is right.