It seems that 2015 is turning into the year I meet all of my ego’s resistance tactics head on.
I seem to be unmasking one thought pattern or insecurity after another. I am not complaining as it is part of my spiritual growth and I welcome any inner work that brings me closer to embracing my authenticity. But it just means I have been feeling very, well, sludgy this year.
Historically in the “Bethany vs Resistance” battle, Resistance has definitely won more often than not. If you generally lack self-esteem it’s very easy to confuse your resistance for weakness, laziness or my personal favourite, unworthiness. And then you are truly defeated.
Take the last few days, for example. I’ve wanted, and felt I’ve needed, to write a blog post to keep my writing skills sharp and keep myself focused on Freedom, Birdie!’s development. But even though I have ideas in my notebook, none of them inspired me to start writing anything. I googled ‘blog ideas’ and saw nothing that grabbed me. I was just in a writing funk.
My ego helpfully piped up: “you want to develop Freedom, Birdie into a bigger enterprise, but you’re too lazy to write a blog post!? This is further proof you’re delusional: you’ll never do it mwah ha ha!”.
But it wasn’t laziness that stopped me writing. And it wasn’t lack of ideas, lack of time or lack of resources. So what was it?
I don’t have the answer yet. Right now I still am in the writing funk. BUT for want of anything else to say I’ve decided to JUST START WRITING about my resistance to writing anything. And now here I am, typing, putting thoughts down and writing about what I am experiencing. Creating a blog post.
It feels good, I feel proud and it is a small boost to my confidence that I accomplished this small yet giant thing.
So if there is something that YOU are resisting, try this:
- Acknowledge your resistance, note all the feelings you’re feeling and ask yourself ‘why?’. Sit with it.
- This thing you’re resisting: is it something you can just bite the bullet and DO? If it is, try to visualise how you’ll feel as you’re doing it or when you’ve completed it. Very often, once we start we realise it’s not quite so laborious and awful as we thought. OR, if it’s a creative block like mine, try to think creatively about how you could get around it or USE it to your advantage.
- If this doesn’t yield anything and you still can’t bring yourself to face what you’re resisting, leave it and go do something else for a while: minutes, hours, days, however long it takes. DON’T dwell and don’t punish yourself. Come back to it when your energy shifts. It always does.