Today I did something brave: I walked back into my studio after a month of dedicated resistance.
It looks a little neglected and messy: it has become our emergency dumping ground for post, boxes that are going to charity, a half finished jigsaw, essentially everything we had to ‘put somewhere’ when my brothers came to stay a couple weeks ago has been chucked into this room!
I sit down at my desk and clear up the paper cuttings and paint brushes, remnants of my last commission. I change my desk calendar from April to May and rearrange the motivational pictures that had fallen down (whenever I don’t use this room for longer than a couple weeks, my vision board falls off the wall – how’s that for a sign!). I open the window and released the stale air back into the Universe.
Despite looking forlorn, the energy in my studio is still glorious 🙂
I can smell my patchouli incense sticks. I can sense the electricity of “this is me, this is my power, this is my dream” coursing through my body, and I can feel my connection to my higher self reawaken.
I open my YouTube subscriptions, and without actually clicking on it Gabrielle Bernstein’s Miracles Now deck reading for this week begins to play. As I watch I feel more connected to the Universe than I have for weeks and I absorb the messages with complete faith that I am meant to hear them and that I can live by them. She talks about letting your life purpose find YOU, not the other way around, and I meet this notion without resistance.
I go on to watch Doreen Virtue’s reading for the week and she explains the feeling of lethargy that has been around since last week, and I feel the guilt I have been feeling about my inactivity and resistance to my work detach and float away.
I take out the components of a project file that I have been meaning to create since January, it has dividers for every day and month of the year and tons of empty plastic folders, together with a beautiful Leonie Dawson calendar which breaks down how you want to feel and what you want to create each month. I assemble it.
Now I feel ready to get serious about shit!
I still have a little bit of resistance to actually start committing ideas or goals into words / pictures. But I am sitting in my studio again because I am ready to face the resistance.
The leap to DOING is significantly smaller now I’ve taken this step. It’s a more bitesize chunk, and I can manage it.