I am rather proud of myself today.
I have managed to stay out of bed all day.
Lately I’ve been in one of my depressive funks where, if I’m bored or feeling overwhelmed by my myriad of thoughts or feelings, you will find me lying in bed staring at the ceiling or “meditating” (otherwise known as taking a nap).
Bed is the one place I feel really comforted, and if I’m especially keen to escape ‘me’ for a bit then going to sleep is the only course of action.
But of course, wasting a precious day off by lying in bed just makes me feel guilty. Guilty for being antisocial and neglecting the others in the house. Guilty for not doing anything productive. Guilty for wasting my life, and so on.
Today started off like most Sundays. My boyf went out and Baxter and I snuggled on the sofa. I watched a couple episodes of Portlandia on Netflix and then the sadness/guilt started to kick in, so I turned it off and put on some meditation music, ready for a good old wallow in emptiness/hopelessness.
And then, because the sun was out, I somehow managed to work up the energy to suggest to Baxter that we go for a walk. He ran to the front door tail wagging and so I had to follow through. As soon as I got out I found one step followed another easily enough, and we managed to walk for a whole hour. I walked past plenty of friendly people who wished me good morning, I appreciated the azure-blue sky and the warm sun, the grand old trees, the peaceful river, and the sweet pooch tip-tapping along by my side.
I next managed to avoid the allure of my bed after lunch. Instead of heading upstairs to bed I headed out on my own to a coffee bar with wifi where I am sitting now with a lovely chocolate frappucino and a blog post about to be published! Sure I logged onto airbnb first for a spot of dreaming and googled a few bits of other nonsense, but despite the dilly-dallying I have managed to write these 400-odd words.
At least when I am sitting at my temp job tomorrow, fretting over the future, I will know I did something this weekend.
I wish you all a peaceful Sunday.xx