The frequency of my blog posts has slowed a little in the last couple weeks, which is a shame as I set the intention to post several times a week but sometimes life gets in the way doesn’t it!
What in particular? Observe…
1. Orange is the New Black, Friday Night Dinner & Bottom
I’ve been binge-watching stuff on Netflix, in particular the above 3 shows. The latter 2 I’ve seen before but Orange is the New Black was new to me and I watched both series within the space of a week. When is series 3 coming out, I NEED TO KNOW!!!
2. Etsy work
Sales are slow because I’m still very new, but I’ve had a couple per week including a commission for Valentines Day, and in the meantime I’ve been working on new designs and making posters to advertise locally with. This is a big step for me: I’ve been resisting advertising up until now because I lacked confidence in my work and ability. But now I feel I’ve got enough products and had enough lovely compliments to put myself out there a little bit more.
3. My family came to visit!
Last weekend my parents and two brothers came to see me for the weekend. Saturday night we went out for a late birthday meal, then Sunday I made everyone dinner – gnocchi with my own pomodoro sauce, which I have perfected over many years’ practice. I swear I was an Italian mama in a past life 🙂
Money continues to dwindle, and I really struggle to maintain a positive attitude when I am worried about money. And without positivity, my creativity and productivity take a massive hit as well; I end up moping about, lying in bed and binge-watching Netflix instead!
2. Job searching
I’ve been looking for part-time work for a while now anyway but I’ve ramped up the search lately due to depleting funds. I’ve not seen anything that truly floats my boat but I can’t afford to be too picky so I’ve sent off a number of applications for shops, hotels and cafes locally and I’ve not progressed to interview stage for any of them.
3. A new temp job
So I’ve had no choice but to turn to my absolute last resort, take another office job 😦 It’s only for a month and it means March bills will get paid – unfortunately, telling myself that isn’t enough to get me through it with a breezy, carefree attitude. I already feel the storm of anxiety brewing in my chest; I haven’t even started it yet but I’m already having the “I’m a failure / I’m gonna hate it” feelings.
I don’t wish to sound ungrateful but I appreciate I probably do. I admit I need to practice gratitude more.
But over the years I’ve spent so much time in work that was fundamentally wrong for me and that I hated, and over time it has built up to the point where it now makes me seriously and worryingly unwell. I know it is the common experience for many in this world to do work they don’t enjoy and they cope way better than I do. All I can say is, I only want to protect myself from ill health or worse.
It’s just part of my psyche that I want to do work I enjoy at least most of the time, and that I have emotional connection to and personal investment in. And I don’t have to disconnect from my core being to get through the day.
Anyways, so that starts next week and so begins the practice of trying not to lose myself or let myself become unwell. It’s such a huge internal battle, I think because my immunity has weakened over the years.
But for now, it’s Sunday and we are off to meet friends for a coffee. Have a happy Sunday all!