My big decision – Day 4

The last few mornings, a quite rare and freakish occurence has taken place…

I have woken up feeling energetic and positive!

Even though it’s a work day!

I think it is because I have a renewed sense of hope that I am going to start feeling better, rather than the antidepressants kicking in already as that takes a couple weeks or more.

But,it really doesn’t matter. I’m just enjoying those moments where I feel a bit more ‘me’ again.

It hasn’t been smooth sailing though. When I get to work it doesn’t take much for my panic to set in and it has been setting in in a big way, worse than before. I have read it is normal for you to feel worse before you feel better during those first few weeks so I know it will pass.

The particular symptoms which seem worse are aches in my chest as it tenses up and then it feels sore, and my heart races. And because this is happening I can’t concentrate at all.

I have found the last few moments of my lunch breaks especially difficult. It is a huge, absolutely huge, effort to wrench myself away from my solitary little corner in the canteen and head back towards my desk and feel the panic rising with every step, knowing I still have 4 hours to go.

Not that it was ever easy going back to my desk! But the act of doing it seems to set me off more this week.

Anyway the moments where I feel happy make it totally worth it and I look forward to it getting more consistent across the day.

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